Monthly Archives: July 2016

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Win A Six Week Coaching Package

I am delighted to announce that I will be launching my first ever podcast show “The Caroline Arnold Podcast Show” on Tuesday 2nd August.

It will be a weekly show with lots of inspiring women from managers to CEO’s who will be talking about their career journeys so far and sharing their success stories.

There will also be guests talking about how you can be more productive at work by eating the right foods, how networking can help you find the next job and how doing ten minutes of meditation every morning can help you focus.

I am really excited to be launching next week and I have the first 10 guests all booked in.

But I need your help!

Who do you want to listen to? Is there a female Director that has inspired you or is there a female CEO that you wonder what steps she has taken to get to that position.

If there is then please do get in touch by emailing me HERE with your suggestions.

Name the Podcast Show and Win a Six Week Coaching Package

I am looking for help in choosing the podcast show name. It has been submitted to iTunes as The Caroline Arnold Podcast Show but I feel it needs something more empowering.

So, if you have an idea for the show name please do get in touch. If you suggest the title I select then you will win a six week coaching package worth £699.00.

If you haven’t yet liked my Facebook page then do check it out and have a look at my Facbook live videos.  Facebook Live Video

 

3 Tips To Help You Unwind On Holiday

I would like to ask you a question.

How long does it take you to relax on holiday?

No time at all, one day, maybe if you haven’t had a holiday for a long time two days.

I read a startling statistic this week that, on average, it takes us 4 days to unwind and relax on holiday.

I don’t know about you but if your holiday is only seven days long then it doesn’t sound like you will have long to enjoy your holiday!

So, if you are off with millions of other UK holiday makers this summer follow these tips to unwind on your first day of the holiday and not the fourth.

1. Turn off your phone – on average we check our phones 150 times a day. It is pretty hard to relax, spend quality time with your family and enjoy the scenery if you are checking your phone constantly.

2. Book a pamper treatment – the first thing I now do on holiday is book a massage or a manicure. Having an hours treatment is the quickest way for me to now get in the holiday spirit.

3. Get active – Whether it is going for a walk or going wind surfing by getting active you will release those endorphins and feel so much better.

I hope that you enjoy your holiday and if you haven’t already checked out the blog on which books to read on the sun lounger click here or the Ted Talks to watch whilst at the airport do check those out here.

If you haven’t yet liked my Facebook page then do check it out and have a look at my Facbook live videos.  Facebook Live Video

 

 

How to Deal with Difficult Coworkers: A Simple But Not Easy Solution

On today’s blog we have a fantastic guest, Sarah Lahoud talking about how to deal with difficult coworkers.

Ever feel so freaking frustrated with a coworker that you can feel your blood to start to boil? 

You feel like everything you say is misunderstood, everything you try to do is blocked with some ridiculous regulation they make up on the spot, and they’re just making you as miserable in work as you could possibly get. As if your job wasn’t miserable enough.

I can relate so much it’s ridiculous.

As a manager of a dance studio, I used to have to deal with customers every day and all day long. Parents, kids, grandparents, nannies, I could talk to them all. Even when they came at at me with a huge, venomous complaint, I could usually communicate in a way that connected and left both of us feeling happy and satisfied that the problem was addressed with love and professionalism.

But coworkers could be a whole other story. 

There’s the fact that you’re around them a lot longer than customers. You could be around the same coworker for an entire day straight, and if they’ve completely drained your energy and excitement and optimism in the first hour, you just know that that negativity is going to continue until there’s nothing left of you but an angry, boiling shell of a human being.

It’s almost like being in a relationship with your husband or boyfriend or even mother when the other person is facing a big and difficult time in their life and they get testy, mean, and just impossible to be around. There’s no talking to them. They’re just a pain in the ass, and you can’t get any work done.

I remember going home every single night and complaining about this particular coworker. It felt like every single thing I did was met with misunderstanding, miscommunication, stupidity, negativity, passive aggression, and any number of her-faults.

There was the time that I got in trouble with my boss because I couldn’t get this coworker to return a key on time. There was the time that I had to issue twelve refunds to customers because I couldn’t get this person to show up on time. And there were all the times that I tried to distractedly get my desk work done while trying my best to listen empathetically to her complaints about work and life because I thought listening to her crap was the way to communicate heartfeltly.

Basically, she was a pain in the ass. And it seemed she was determined (whether consciously or unconsciously) to block my and others’ productivity at every single freaking turn. 

Every time she questioned me or passive aggressively asserted her (to my mind, false and ridiculous) knowledge over mine, I would get all bristled like, “I’m a freaking manager. I know how to write. I have this and that degree. I blah blah blah. I’m a professional, damnit!”

I felt this need to react with declarations of my own skill set and prowess and power. I felt the need to passive aggressively react to her passive aggressiveness.

Which made me feel like a fake. And inadequate. And unappreciated. 

Which made me react. Which made me want to overcompensate in ways that weren’t really true to myself or my professionalism.

And which just generally made me look like an ass, too. 

You got someone like that in your life?

I think most of us do.

We want to feel significant, like we’re actually good at our jobs and are recognized for our epicness. But we’re too busy being undervalued and frustrated by this obnoxious coworker who’s putting us down and trying to claw her way over our head, badly.

Which means we get caught up in drama, people start dragging their feet, we’re frustrated, we don’t get as much work done, we can’t stop complaining, or fighting, or crying, and work just sucks. 

And the biggest problem is that we struggle to communicate – both talk to and be heard by – this difficult person. No matter how empathetic, professional, lighthearted, or humorous we try to be, no approach seems to work and we fall apart at the end of every day.

The number one way to change this dynamic, the only way to fix this once and for all, the I’ve-tried-it-and-so-have-so-many-others-and-it-works-every-time trick is this.

Be genuinely you. 

Which probably sounds a little woo-woo, but go with me on this for a second.

Picture yourself in the morning when you first wake up and are all relaxed with your cup of coffee and a good book. Or picture yourself in the evening before bed, clicking away on a computer or scribbling in a journal. Imagine what it feels like when you’re completely relaxed, doing what you want to be doing and really enjoying being yourself.

In these situations, you actively choose to be yourself. You don’t react to anything in particular but instead are free to choose whatever activity makes you happy and whatever makes you feel most like yourself.

Now as a contrast, picture yourself in a situation with your difficult coworker. Imagine what it’s like to be misunderstood by her yet again, and imagine yourself about to respond. Or if you’re more the kind to let them walk all over you and not say anything, just imagine how you feel in that exact moment.

In these situations, you react. Whether you actually respond – positively or negatively – or simply say nothing, you react as soon as that person’s utter negativity and unprofessionalism affect your mood. You’re affected by the other person or people, and you’re more than likely feeling stuck, frustrated, and fearful yet again. Definitely not yourself.

It’s worth noting that you have every right to react, and you’re not wrong to feel the way you do. This is not a blog post about learning how to stop reacting to those around you and just meditate in your own head to pretend you’re happy. This is a blog post about actually being happy and really improving your relationships and the way you communicate with that pain-the-hole coworker.

Now, question. 

Do you feel like yourself in both of those situations? Or is there a difference between your voluntarily-and-actively-being-you situation and your I’m-stuck-here-at-work, I-have-to-do-this and my-coworker-is-freaking obnoxious situation?

I can’t hear your response, but I’m going to go ahead and bet on the answer being yes. 

Now here’s the reality. You can’t change your coworker or any other person that is driving you crazy. You can’t make them hear you and understand if they’re not open to it. And you can’t change your situations sometimes. That sucks.
But here’s another reality. You absolutely can change yourself. Let me reiterate that I’m not advocating you pretend to be happy when you’re not. I’m not advocating that you ignore your coworker and just learn to be happy despite her ridiculousness.

I am, however, advocating that you can be yourself, live your purpose, feel amazing, and that coworker won’t bother you any more.

You can be yourself, you can take care of yourself, and you can move beyond feeling stuck and empoweredfrustrated to feeling , heard, and powerful. And that’s pretty epic. 
Around the inspiring side of the Internet world, if you ever hang out there, which I know you do because I can see all those inspiring quotes and pictures you’ve pinned on Pinterest, we’ve started to interpret the reality that you can’t change others but you can change yourself to basically be a guilt-trip for not doing more work on yourself and a cop-out for persisting in our old habits that have continued the pattern of frustrating situations that we find ourselves in.

So please don’t continue to buy into that false reality. Don’t take my advice to be genuinely yourself to mean that you don’t have any work to do or that you should just put up with you freaking annoying coworker.

Instead, take it as an invitation to change.

You don’t have to change yourself, but you do have to become more like you, a more epic you. 

Bust through your own personal and professional frustrations and fears. Define your purpose and your skillset and you’ll be able to share your knowledge generously, without a strong need for significance or a lack of confidence. You will be able to communicate from a really empowered and excited place. You’ll feel genuinely like yourself and won’t feel the need for validation or recognition from the obnoxious people who can’t see your value.

Be professional in your interactions with them. Share your skills and know-how and really listen to theirs. Chances are they’re really good at something, too, and are feeling threatened (just as you used to feel!) by your authority and knowledge.

Share your skills with professionalism and authority. Own them. Love them. Share them. Be professional without pushing your dominance falsely over them out of a lack of self-confidence and a need for significance.

Communicate with them. Which really means listen. Try to hear what they’re really saying instead of reacting to what you think you hear. And remember that they’re probably reacting to what they think they hear you saying as well.

Recognize that you can only control you, and get to work. 

You’ve got to feel as yourself as humanly possible.

Find your purpose, bust through your frustrations, and you’ll start doing everything, including working and communicating in work, from a place of purpose and love. 

Work on giving everyone yourself and not what other people expect of you.

It’s not easy work, but it is simple. It’s a simple concept, and when you start acting genuinely like yourself, everything will change. Trust me.
Every time you go to do or say something in work, ask yourself, “Am I reacting? Or am I acting as myself?”

And if you still can’t connect with that coworker, forget them. You’ll be so in love with yourself and your life and so satisfied, you won’t need them anyway. 

 

Sarah Elizabeth Lahoud

Writing + media coach for creatives + entrepreneurs

Also a future Disney villain

// Web // Facebook // Twitter //

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Recruitment Companies List

If you have decided that you would like a new job and that you would like a recruitment company to find the right role for you so you don’t have to spend hours searching LinkedIn then this PDF is for you.

I have put together a list of recruitment companies covering the below areas so that you can concentrate on connecting with the right recruitment company and get that new role that you deserve.

  • Administration
  • Energy, Engineering and environment
  • Executive
  • Finance
  • HR
  • International
  • IT
  • Legal
  • Marketing and PR
  • UK Jobs Boards


Still bored by the Football? Check these Books Out for the Summer

I’ve always loved to read; as a child I loved Roald Dahl and Enid Blyton amongst others.

Now my bookshelf and Kindle are full of personal development, management and leadership books all of which I find fascinating.

I’m  a fast reader so I usually read a book or two a week but if you’re a slower reader then I highly recommend simply reading for 10 minutes a day – that way you’ll get into the habit and get through some great books.

As we approach the summer and holidays I thought it would be great to share some of the books that I’ve read in the last few months that you may enjoy reading for yourself.

Sun lounger reading

The Happiness Project: Or Why I spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun – by Gretchen Rubin.  The Happiness Project

This is such a lovely read that I literally couldn’t put it down and even set the alarm clock for 5.30am so that I could finish it and give it back to my mum who needed to return it to the library!

You may also find yourself completely absorbed with the book so just remember to reapply that sun tan lotion as you turn the pages!

Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail – by Cheryl Strayed Wild

Reese Witherspoon starred in a film based on this book. I’ve not seen that but I can definitely recommend reading the book. It even made me want to walk part of the Pacific Crest. But only part of it!

  1. The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do – by Sarah Knight Life Changing Magic

I found this a hilarious read so it’ll definitely make a plane journey – well – fly by!

Commute

  1. Nice girls Don’t Get The Corner Office: Unconscious Mistakes That Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers – by Dr Lois P. Frankel  Nice Girls Don’t Corner Office

I recommend getting this book as a physical copy rather than on your Kindle. You may well want to take notes and refer back to them to remind yourself of the unconscious mistakes you make that may be hindering your progress at work.

You know the sorts of things: avoiding office politics, multi-tasking, failure to negotiate, asking permission or smiling inappropriately.

If you work in a corporate environment this is a must read.

  1. Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom and Wonder – by Arianna Huffington   Thrive

I found this a refreshing read by a successful businesswoman. If you’re interested in learning more about mindfulness then you’ll enjoy this.

  1. The Glass Elevator: A Guide to Leadership Presence for Women on the Rise Glass Elevator Guide

I’m half way through reading this book. As with the ‘Nice Girls’ above, if you’re working in the corporate environment and want to progress your career then this one is another must read.

Inspirational 

  1. The Promise of a Pencil: How an Ordinary Person Can Create Extraordinary Change -by Adam Braun.  The Promise of a Pencil

Adam is a true inspiration. You may want to get the tissues out when you read this – you could well need them!

I’d love to know what books you’re reading this summer. Join the Facebook group and share your favourite reads with everyone. We could get some discussion going.

CarolineArnold-66

Powerful Words that Will Make Your CV Stand Out

In today’s competitive job market the aim of your CV is get you an interview.

Therefore it must stand out from the hundreds of other applications.

Ill chosen words and clichéd phrases can destroy the interest of the hiring manager.

Stand out from the competition, pique the recruitment officer’s interest and increase your chances of being hired with Power CV Words.

Click the Add to Cart button below to get instant access to your Powerful Words CV document.




How to Say No

CarolineArnold

 

I have a confession to make; I find saying “no” really hard to do.

I don’t like conflict and I genuinely want to help people so I often find myself saying yes when I really want to say no.

Saying ‘yes’ can lead to great opportunities and meeting some fantastic people but it can be also be really exhausting!

The problem we have at work is that we want to be seen as a team player. We don’t want to appear boring or difficult to work with.

But, if we always acquiesce, then we can end up feeling pressured, or maybe even bullied and that will lead to feelings of resentment.

Conversely, if we do refuse a request, we can feel guilty and worried that we might have offended someone.

It is a minefield.

Do you also find it hard to say no?  Do you answer yes to any of the below?

  • Go to a dinner party when you really want to catch up on your favourite TV show?
  • Can you attend this meeting for me?
  • Do you want to join the work team run?
  • Can you host Christmas lunch and all the family?
  • Can you cover Jane’s workload today, as she is sick?

If you find yourself agreeing to do things you don’t want to more often than you should then it may be time to take back some time for yourself.

This quote from Warren Buffett may help you to say ‘no’: “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything”.

Tips to say no at work

1. Reframe

I am currently doing this great online business programme called B-School and it has really helped me reframe and learn to say ‘no’ more easily, swiftly and, more importantly, without the guilt.

When I find myself wanting to answer ‘yes’ to something, I stop and think about what that ‘yes’ actually means in terms of what it would displace that I’d rather be doing.

For example: I’m asked to attend an event. The wanting to help and wanting to please part of me wants to say ‘yes. I’ll come.’ So I think about the things I could be doing in that time. The things that I really want to do – such as working on my book or writing the content of my first webinar.

I then find it easier to say no to a particular request because then I’m effectively saying ‘yes’ to doing something that will help me grow my business.

2. Offer an alternative

If you can’t start a project at work this week maybe you can offer to start it next week?

3. Take time to consider the request 

Assess the pros and cons before you refuse to take on a piece of work your boss has requested that you do.

Consider if it will it help you with your overall career goals. Will it be a good opportunity to network, increase your salary or gain exposure to a different team? If it helps with any of these goals then it may be in your interests to take it on for its wider benefits.

4. Say no in person 

If you are able to refuse someone’s request face-to-face then the message is likely to be better received as you can lose the intended tone in an email.

5. Ask for help prioritising

Ask your boss if you need help prioritising your workload. Discuss together what can either be postponed for a few days or delegated to another team member. It’s even possible that such a discussion might bring about the realization that actually, this ‘thing’ is no longer required.

6. Practice 

If you are normally a ‘yes’ person then start small or practise with friends or family.

Once you’ve said no a few times you’ll get more confident with it and you’ll also start to enjoy the benefits of having some more time to say ‘yes’ to the things that you actually want to do.

So, my biggest challenge that I have set myself this month is to say no to more things without feeling guilty.

Please feel free to join me. You’ll be amazed how liberating it is.

 

Caroline Arnold 

Executive Coach

M: 07886 794 742

W: www.carolinearnoldcoaching.com

T: @carnoldcoaching

F: Caroline Arnold Coaching

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