Real women: Kerinda Ibbotson, Sales & Marketing Director, The Cardinal Group

Kerinda has worked in the corporate world and is now a director for a medium-sized business.  We discuss confidence, motivation and resilience at work and what she has learnt about career progression.

Confidence at work

I think that the key to managing confidence is overcoming fear.  You need to work out what you are afraid of and once you have done that you can start to overcome it.  It’s important to remember that everyone has an Achilles’ heel, no matter how important or successful they may appear.  We all fear something, whether it’s public speaking or failing at an important task but once we’ve accepted that we’re all just human, the right attitude will result in growing confidence.

I believe it’s important to select strong, confident women as role models.  Social media can limit your confidence as women are bombarded with celebrities’ ‘perfect’ lives.  Follow just a few strong women (especially sportswomen and business leaders), read their books and learn how they developed confidence.

I’ll never forget a talk I went to years ago called ‘Walking Tall’ by a woman called Lesley Everett.  She stressed the importance of image and personal branding and remembering what she said has given me confidence.  If you want to be taken seriously you must dress appropriately and be remembered for what you say, not what you were wearing.  Make sure you look and smell the part – this also applies to men.  I found this useful advice particularly when I worked in a male-dominated environment and I needed the confidence to get my voice heard.

Motivation

Motivation and having a positive attitude are part learned, part personality.  If you want to be successful, you need to set yourself goals and develop good techniques and habits that will keep you motivated.  I’ve learned that it can take as little as three weeks to develop a new habit so if you’re aiming for a particular goal, repetition is really important.  Never giving up and driving yourself even in the darkest days are when you know true motivation.  But I do believe motivation is in all of us and sometimes we need help to find it.

Resilience

A former boss used to tell me that you’ve got to let people fall over and get a few scrapes and that makes them stronger.  That was a tough role for me as I was left to make my own mistakes but this taught me resilience and perseverance.  Like a boxer, you have to get up and fight again.  If you strongly believe in something, who is anyone to say you can’t do it?  However, if you find yourself working in a male-dominated environment like I did, be a strong woman in a ‘man’s world’ and don’t try to act like a man.  Develop mental toughness.

Career progression

The three things that have really helped me progress my career are:

• Self-belief – telling myself that I CAN do something
• Self-motivation – telling myself that I WILL do something and learning not to give up
• Perseverance and mental toughness

My advice to other women would be ‘don’t be so hard on yourself’.  Make sure you have some downtime, some mental stillness and practise mindfulness.  This can be easier said than done, but it’s so important.  Also, have an ‘outlet’ – this could be a friend, partner or coach.  Someone you can just be yourself with, share your vulnerabilities and fears with and someone who won’t judge but listen.

Mentoring and coaching

I have used both mentors and coaches at work.  Some have been paid for by the organisation and some I have hired myself.  Both are useful because they help bring an outside view, a different perspective, they challenge the individual and help reframe negative thoughts.  Another advantage is that they can help design a strategy to get you to where you want to be.

I preferred working with coaches that I hired independently as I felt they were more effective – they were away from the day-to-day business and had experience of a broad client base.

Do you have any other advice for women seeking to accelerate their career?

My advice would be:

• work out your goal – what are you trying to achieve?
• know when you’re in the wrong job and when to walk away
• understand what fears are and how they can be overcome
• focus on what you need to do
• be realistic
• take time out
• don’t be a product of ‘over-coaching’ – and remember too much advice can also be a bad thing
• be yourself, not a diluted version of you
• don’t beat yourself up
• try not to over-think things
• try not to listen to your negative inner voice
• surround yourself with people who radiate energy, not people who are ‘energy vampires’
• remember to give yourself a pat on the back
• eat well
• exercise and look after yourself
• practice yoga, mindfulness and meditate
• indulge in a guilty pleasure at least once a week – whether that be a chocolate bar, getting your hair or nails done or watching some trash on tv!

Good luck!

Well, here we were heading to the end of another year. Before the festive season gets into full swing it is a good time to reflect on how the year has been for you. Take the opportunity to look back on what you’ve learnt, what you’re proud of and what, if anything, you feel needs to change in 2017.

I hope 2016 has been a great year for you. But, as you go through the questions below, be sure to celebrate the successes – however small they may have been.  And, if something didn’t go as well as you’d hoped, then don’t beat yourself up. Simply celebrate the good things and let the other stuff go.

So, sit back with a cup of tea, or maybe a glass of festive cocktail, and mince pie and enjoy reflecting on 2016. Then prepare for an even better 2017!

1. What three things are you proud of achieving in 2016?
2. What five things are you most grateful for in your life?
3. What new skill have you learnt?
4. What was the most important lesson you learnt?
5. If you did some reading in 2016, what was your favourite book and why?
6. Describe your 2016 in 5 words.
7. If you visited some new places in 2016 what was your favourite
8. Which five people did you most enjoy spending time with and why?
9. What have you learnt in your career?
10. What was the best compliment that you received this year?
11. What did you try for the first time this year?
12. What worries turned out to be unnecessary?
13. What was the funniest moment of the year?
14. Which two things would you do differently?

So, that’s your reflection of 2016. I trust it’s helped you to take stock.

Your 2017

1. Which one goal do you most want to achieve?
2. What do you hope to achieve in your career?
3. Which one place do you want most to visit?
4. What skill would you like to improve or learn?
5. What one thing do you want to change to improve your work life balance?

In January we’ll focus in more detail on how to set goals so that you achieve them but for now celebrate everything that you’ve achieved – no matter how small – and have in your life.

In the meantime, I hope that you have a lovely Christmas and New Year.

Last month I talked about how to survive the office Christmas party. This week though I’m talking about how to survive the family at Christmas!

I’m incredibly lucky. I want to spend time with my family and my parents live, in my opinion, in one of the most beautiful places in Devon. But I still have those moments when I need to get away from everyone and get out of the house!

Most of us left home at 18 when we went to university. So going home can often dredge up a few things we thought we’d forgotten!

In addition, so many more of us live alone than used to be the case. Solo living often results in us getting set in our ways. Then, when we’re thrust into the company of others, all with their own ways of doing things, sparks can fly and arguments result. Something I’m sure we all want to avoid!

There is so much expectation on us to have the perfect Christmas. But with working, preparing the house, buying presents and then seeing all of the family and friends it can be a stressful time.

And, if you suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) the festive season is a fraught one for you!

If you DO have a partner, then the question of visiting family can be both a logistical (if distances are involved) and diplomatic nightmare – what with either half of the family wanting a slice of you on the big day itself. The result of which being that you may find yourself spending most of your holiday on the road with a hunted look in your eyes.

To help with calming those frayed nerves and avoiding any family arguments follow the tips below.

1. Set expectations

Have a conversation with the family as soon as you can about when you will be arriving and leaving. Divide chores before you arrive so that one of you isn’t in the kitchen for the whole Christmas period whilst everyone else is getting merry!

2. Create time for yourself 

There can be so many social engagements with colleagues, family and friends that you want to attend. Result: you’re exhausted by the time you wake up on Christmas Day. So book in an occasional evening at home so that you can enjoy this festive time without being over-tired.

3. Get some fresh air and exercise 

If you’re visiting family then it’s all to easy to stagger from breakfast to lunch to collapsing in front of a film in the afternoon. Then, before you know it, it’s 4pm and dark and you haven’t been out of the house.

So, get everyone out of the house and go for a walk. This will give you all some space and exercise and you’ll all feel more energized when you get back home.

4. Volunteer 

It is easy to get swept away with the excitement of Christmas. But I think this is a time to remember those that may be less fortunate then ourselves or may be on their own.

There are lots of volunteer opportunities such as visiting a care home and chatting with the residents, going into a homeless shelter and serving food or simply having a clear out of your wardrobe and donating warm clothes, bedding and toys that you and your children no longer use.

5. Go on holiday 

If you aren’t able to spend time with family this Christmas or chose not to then you could always look at a last minute holiday and catch some winter sun!

I do hope that you have a lovely Christmas where ever and whoever you are spending it with.

And if you’ve got some top tips of your own for surviving the festive season with your relationships in one piece I’d love to hear them.

I absolutely love Christmas.

On the 1^st December the Christmas tree goes up. I give Christmas Jumper Day (16^th December) in aid of the charity Shelter my wholehearted support and keep up the Christmas spirit by wearing it to all the Christmas parties!

Next week I’ll be giving you tips on how to survive the family over the festive season but this week I want to concentrate on the office Christmas party.

Do you love it or loathe it?

I admit I’m not a fan. But you may feel that you have to go to be seen as a team player and to help your career. So read on for my office party survival tips and avoid embarrassment!

And I promise I’m not trying to sound like your mother. But having spent ten years in Human Resources I’ve carried out enough disciplinary meetings to know that sometimes it’s good to be reminded.

1. Eat! Trust me you’ll thank me the next morning when you wake up feeling well enough to drag yourself out of bed and into work.  If you can manage it then eat a big lunch. If the event is in the evening have a snack before you go or buy an extra sandwich at lunch and eat this on your way home – or visit your local chippy! All those carbs and fat will soak up the alchohol and give you some energy for the dance floor.
2. Pace yourself.  For every alcoholic drink that you imbibe then have at least 1 glass of water in between and know your limits. Remember, you have to work with these people and possibly for some time to come. So don’t do or say something that you wouldn’t if you were sober.
3. Stay safe.  Know how you and your colleagues are getting home and agree that you’ll all message each other when you get home. Know what time your last bus/train etc. is and make sure that you leave before this to avoid an expensive taxi ride home. And set your alarm so if you do fall asleep you won’t miss your stop. We’ve all been there. And ladies – remember to carry a pair of comfy shoes to change into for your journey home.
4. If you want to be the most popular person in the office the morning after the party take in a box of doughnuts or, if you can manage it, bacon butties for everyone. Believe me you’ll be loved for ever and everyone will know your name – but in a positive way.
5. Social Media – everyone will be taking photos during the event and sharing on their social media so don’t be caught doing something that you shouldn’t be or that will bring the company into disrepute. You don’t want to be part of an investigation the next day on top of your hangover.
6. Career enhancer or killer?  See this event as a career enhancer. If you manage a team then see if you can have them come in an hour later. They will be a lot more productive for the rest of the day if they have had some sleep! Or have a team lunch if the budget allows.

The Christmas season seems to get longer each year.  As people’s diaries get busier I have seen the festive period start in November and be going strong January. So it’s not a bad idea to pace yourself and have an occasional night in. Other than that, stay safe and have fun.

Do you have any tips for surviving the Christmas work party? If so I would love to hear about them.

I’m currently lecturing at the University of West England (UWE) in Bristol. I’m teaching Year 2 students a module called “Managing People”.

This is something that I’ve always wanted to do and I’m thoroughly enjoying this new opportunity. Though it’s certainly challenging trying to keep twenty nineteen-year-old students motivated for 2 hours at 9am!

Although I’ve got a lot of theory to cover during these lectures I’m also taking the opportunity to share some career tips with them as they start to look for placements and/or graduate roles.

These career tips are relevant whether you’re nineteen and looking for your first job or you’ve been working for 20 yrs and looking for your first director role.

So here, in no particular order, are my 80 kick-ass life and career boosting tips:

1. Get a coach

2. Have a mentor

3. Be a mentor

4. Believe in yourself!

5. Ask for help

6. Be persistent

7. Say ‘yes’ to opportunities

8. Volunteer for projects

9. Be authentic

10. Create your own luck

11.  Create a brand

12. Use LinkedIn

13. Set up a Twitter account

14. Sign up for training

15. Accept public speaking opportunities

16. Set career goals

17. Set salary goals

18. Update your CV annually

19. Feel the fear and do it anyway!

20. Read. A lot!

21. Lead projects

22. Grab a secondment opportunity

23. Volunteer

24. Be self-aware

25. Use your holiday allowance

26. Get 8 hours’ sleep

27. Exercise

28. Eat well

29. Network

30. Be kind

31. Practice gratitude

32. Celebrate achievements – small and large

33. Learn a new skill

34. Listen to podcasts

35. Ask for a pay rise

36. Make mistakes

37. Admit mistakes

38. Ignore the nay-sayers

39. Create a vision board

40. Dress for success

41. Embrace your strengths

42. Accept your weaknesses

43. Be kind to people along the way

44. Cut the negative self-talk

45. Practice mindfulness

46. Remove any money blocks that you may have

47. Be tenacious

48. Reward yourself

49. Trust your gut

50. Know your worth

51. Step out of your comfort zone

52. Watch Ted Talks

53. Learn to say ‘no’ sometimes

54. Volunteer

55. Don’t sweat the small stuff

56. Recruit a team that’s more experienced than you

57. Make first impressions count

58. Have a firm handshake

59. Praise your team

60. Hang out with positive people

61. Minimise time with negative drainers

62. Ask your boss what their biggest problem is and get rid of it

63. Make your boss look good

64. Pick your battles

65. Connect with recruitment consultants

66. Take risks

67. Ask for feedback

68. Diversify your experience

69. Think about your next career move

70. Shadow a colleague

71. Avoid use of the word “just”

72. Join a mastermind group

73. Say ‘thank you’.

74. Speak up

75. Learn to negotiate

76. Don’t personalise

77. Embrace rejection

78. Be confident

79. Dare to be all that you can be

80. Follow your dreams!

So that’s 80 excellent tips to encourage you to accelerate your career and life in general. Have you got any different ones to bring the list up to 100?

If so share them with me – I’d love to hear from you.